About the author
The author’s mother wrote “The Toddler’s Potty Book” to help me learn to use the toilet. I was 37 years old and got the hint. Several years later, I can still use the potty most of the time.
In fact, Mom wrote it when I was 2. Yup, that’s me.
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Bowel ContemplatIon by Brendan ZaChary AllIson
“Look, you lazy quack, if you don’t paint the deck I’m gonna hire someone to do it.”
“I need to be here. Now. This is medically necessary.” His voice was far calmer than hers.
“I thought that electrode patch is supposed to help with the best times to sleep and stuff.”
“It helps with biorhythms in general. Right now, it’s telling me it’s the best time for a bowel movement.”
“And that’s more important than a good night’s sleep? When to eat? Exercise? Rest?”
“Of course. Any man coulda told you that. This brain thing is just verifying it.”
“Show me where it says you need to be sitting on the toilet for six hours a day.”
“Then I’d have to get up to unlock the door.”
“You think you’re the first guy with that plan?”
“Locking the door?”
“No. Just sit on a toilet all day.”
“It’s far beyond that. It tells me when and what to eat, drink, other things to feed my empowering bowel movements. It’s all there on my laptop. And while I’m here, it has guides on how to breathe, lean, squeeze, pinch-”
“Wait. Then never mind the door. I can pull up your data here on your laptop.” She looked at it. “Wow. It really does say all that. And all kinds of stress bars are way down. Your brain function improved so much that it says you’re close to achieving transcendence.” She frowned. “What does that mean?”
“I’m growing beyond the need for this physical form. Any minute now…”
She heard a plop that sounded different from the usual. She broke through the bathroom door and saw only his electrode patch floating in the toilet.
Author Commentary
Readers who have fathers may sympathize. I never understood why Dad spent so much time in there. When I was 13, I asked and was told: “This is the only time a man is truly alone.”
Realism
Transcending one’s physical form isn’t possible. Many other elements are realistic. Men do often enjoy sitting on a toilet and associate it with deep thought. There’s a lot of neurotech and other biotech devoted to biorhythms and routines.
Hope
If this were possible, I’d have transcended already.
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