bcifi

“Yesterday was the first time I actually did it.” the professor said. “I always wanted to. Ask the whole class to wear a really simple system to detect boredom, like those Necomimi cat ears that droop forward when the user is bored. So if the whole class gets droopy cat ears, maybe it’s time for a joke or something.”

“But is that necessary for a good lecturer?” asked a student. “Isn’t it obvious when we’re bored?”

“Ah, but we’re scientists! Isn’t it obvious that everything revolves around the earth, which is flat?”

“Yes, professor. It’s also obvious you didn’t submit our grades yet, so we agree.”

“Ah, here’s an email with the results. Let’s see what we learned.”

“Can you please submit our grades first?”

“Why?”

“Never mind.”

“Yeah I know how this ends. It’ll turn out I was just boring the whole time. That’s OK. We scientists must be objective even if results aren’t consistent with expectations.”

“I think it’s happy hour nearby. Can we buy you drinks to celebrate the end of the class? Like, now?”

“Actually you were all very amused several times!! I’m flattered. Now I’ll just correlate with when I told a joke… hm, the correlation is nearly zero. What was so funny then?”

“That’s the fire alarm, professor!”

“Which I just heard one of you pull outside. Quit distracting me. Ah – looking at my EMG and location tracker – you were laughing whenever I was pacing away from the lectern….”

“Professor, this is the chancellor. You must submit final grades now!”

“Nice real-time deepfake but the chancellor happens to be on vacation now.” The professor began pacing, then turned toward the class as they all began laughing. “That wasn’t a joke. OK, fine. I give up. I’m emailing the final grades now. What?!”

“Next time you freeball a lecture, check your zipper.”