“I don’t wanna try your brain thing, Doctor Lemur. I just grow flowers. I get the mini wage.”

“But you already know the price of stupidity. You’ve been stupid all your life. You just got my name wrong yet again. You can’t even use words beyond two syllables. Look at you. All you ever wanted was to be smarter. Have you ever been happy? Have you ever envied anyone except people like me?”

“Yeah but if the IRS thinks you’re bein’ sneaky and dint like your brain thing-”

“IRB. Institutional Review Board. I told you, their job is to say whether experiments are ethical.”

“So if they dint say its OK then…” He paused. “Then maybe it’s not safe for me, right?”

“That sounds like it makes sense, Charly. But need I remind you… you’re stupid.” Dr. Nemur laughed at his own cleverness as usual. “Yes. I do need to remind you. Because you’re so stupid.”

“OK fine Dr. Femur but like you said it gotta triple my IQ or I get no money back.”

Next week

“I’m sorry it didn’t work, Charly. I’ll provide the previously agreed refund.”

“Uh. Also someone from the, uh, IRS called me. I told ‘em what you said, we just talked about dirt.”

“Yeah, Charly. Good job.” Dr. Nemur sighed. “The one thing you remembered, you fucked up.”

“What’s wrong, doc?”

“Someone stole my idea. Just filed for a patent on it a few days ago. Algernon Industries. So, ironically, if you had told the IRB what we discussed, I’d be able to argue that I had the idea first.”

“Understood, doc.”