aBsurd appliCatIon

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This is a happy and positive story that includes smiling. Here I smiling.

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aBsurd appliCatIon by Brendan ZaChary AllIson

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Thank you all for supporting my proposal to devote our neuricles to repairing and decoding the information on these ancient phatchips from the Edenship. I learned a lot more about these meatcars that our ancestors used. Really interesting! Their meatcars had bilaterally symmetrical components including legs, arms, nostrils, and ears. But only one appendix, which they often removed-

[Channel 15: Off-topic] Lillippe: Huh? You’re saying they built lots of cars with a component they removed? There are only about three thousand of us left and you’re wasting our precious neuricles floundering with useless appendices?

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: I had to study this so-called appendix before I could figure out it wasn’t necessary for reproduction. I still haven’t found anything that would help us repopulate. I don’t think it required their nostrils either. But their meatcars had the same DNA as us and our bodycars, which could imply-

[Channel 15: Off-topic] Lillippe: They had enough skill to make some cars with the same DNA, but not enough to reproduce. Same as us. Well I did my own research and-

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Dumbphrase detected! Lillippe muted for 24 hours.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Ahhhh. Anyone have a useful contribution?

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Me me me! I’ve been reading some of the new Arcanity too. I’ve been more interested in another Caste called Engineers or Makers. So I just started this Makers channel and renamed myself after one of their most famous makers. And I’ve been making… well… their bodycars. You know. Meatcars.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Ooh! I’m quivery. Can I see one of them?

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Sure. This is a camera on me right now. I’ll share it with @all.

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Error! Alva not detected in video.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Same problem here. I think that’s the wrong camera. I just see – well, it looks like one of those meatcars that our ancestors used.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Right. Thank you. Took me days to make. And fully functional. Seems aesthetically pleasing somehow, too.

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: Wow! You actually made a working meatcar? It’s gorgeous!

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Thank you! High praise from an artist of your caliber. I quiver in gratitude. And my meatcar isn’t just ornamental. Watch… now I’m rotating, waving –

[Channel 14: Culture] Ozi: Hey Alva! I can’t see you either. Just that magnificent meatcar you made.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Yeah, I’m still having that same problem. I assumed you were behind that meatcar or something. But you’re not visible in this video. OK. Now I sense you’re quivering at that and I wanna learn why.

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: Yeah! And the top of that meatcar is changing. It seems correlated with your quivering somehow. It’s very expressive.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: I agree. I know what those parts are called. The mouth is elongated, pushing the cheeks backward and up a little. Twinkle in the eye.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Yeah, this meatcar does that automatically whenever I quiver. It also makes me feel at ease. Kind of… what’s that word that Skoldo found… happy.

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: Yes. Those changes on the top of the meatcar make me… happy… just watching. You’ve really struck a nerve with this meatcar. I’m telling everyone in my channel to check this out. But they’re telling me they’re confused because they can’t see you.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Wait! I get it! Alva must be inside that meatcar!

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Correct.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: I sense you’re quivering again. And you deserve it.

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: He does indeed. You are inside your art! Wow! I’m gonna nominate you for a Fartsy Award! But how do you get fud and nitroxy in there?

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: I’ve been waiting for someone to ask that. Here’s my personal consumption over the past two days. I’ll share with @all.

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Medical emergency! Starvation! Asphyxiation!

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Alva? Try to stay conscious. Coming to you right now with some nitroxy and fud. My bodycar is in emergency mode. Sorry @all for the sonic boom.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Relax. I’m fine. Look, @all, I’ll release all my medical info.

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Error! Crime! Fraud alert! Alva appears healthy. Impossible!

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: I’m not sure it’s really fraud. Maybe it’s part of the art. Alva’s just pretending. Right? Sklodo, I see you just got there. Is Alva OK?

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Yes. I’ll share my scanner readings with @all. Alva is operating normally. It looks like the meatcar can make fud and nitroxy from the surrounding environment. Alva, this meatcar is not just beautiful, it’s also practical!

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Thank you. Again. And you’re right. Again. This meatcar is very well made to support us. At least when I’m inside this sphere on the top of the meatcar.

[Channel S: General] 37 minds: Fascinating. Why that artistic choice?

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: It’s not just for art. I connected all of my I/O ports and cables directly to the inside of the meatcar. This was most efficient if I’m in this wet sphere up here. According to the Arcanity that Sklodo decoded, it’s called the cranial cavity.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: But… I’m double-checking the Arcanity… it looks like that area of the meatcar would normally contain something they call the brain.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Right. It did. I just removed it and now I’m here instead. I fit perfectly! It’s actually very comfortable.

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Warning! Ethical violation. Possible homicide.

[Channel S: General] 268 minds: Strong Agree! Likert Mean 4.8! That brain component you removed from the meatcar looks exactly like one of us!!! Explanation demanded.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Just to avoid any kind of problem like that, when I printed this meatcar, I replaced the brain with an inert gelatin. I found some records involving something called a Jell-O brain mold. Very easy to make. Incapable of thought.

[Channel S: General] 791 minds: Agree! Likert Mean 4.1. No violation. Please explain how you remain able to communicate neurally here on ThoughtIt.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: I’m still implanted as always. I can transmit and receive just fine to you. But I also have some meaningful I/O with my meatcar. In fact, here, I’ll share with @all what this feels like. I’ll send it in parts so you don’t get overwhelmed. See, this is what it feels like to stand here. It’s a lot different than our simulations of touch. And this is what it feels like to quiver. Isn’t it pleasant?

[Channel S: General] All minds: Strong Agree! Likert Mean 5.0. Alva now nominated for a Mr. Clevver Award. Please share more feelings.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: Well, this was accidental, but it gave me quite a tingle. Oddly pleasurable sensation. Potentially dangerous if overdone. Can I show you?

[Channel S: General] All minds: Strong Agree! Likert Mean 5.0. Eager to experience unprecedented pleasurable tingling sensation only possible through meatcar touch.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: I’ll just expose this electrical cable and touch it with my finger. There. That’s the feeling of power.

[Channel S: General] All minds: Feeling seems very influential. We want to learn more about the power of feeling. We request more meatcars.

[Channel 77673: Makers] Alva: I just shared everything you need to make them. Actually, they have two types of meatcars. I already made one of the other models, called female. It’s… it’s somehow quivery to me in a wholly different way. But the chromosomes are different from mine. I’m XY and the female meatcars are XX.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: I’m XX. Can you connect the female meatcar to me?

ONE YEAR LATER

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Warning! Possible ethical violation. Crime unclear.

[Channel 14: Culture] Kindred: Alva, can’t you do something about that automated channel now that you’re the president?

[Channel 1: Government] Alva: Yeah. I can ask some of the makers to train it to understand what just happened here, by George. Or, well, it could snowball into something better.

[Channel S: CogPol] Auto’Brien: Warning! Possible antihomicide. Neural activity from unregistered source. New meatcar exhibits DNA from Sklodo and Alva.

[Channel 2: Science] Sklodowska: Hey! Can one of you guys help with this new tiny female? I think you need to cut this cord between her stomach and me.

Author Commentary

What’s the killer app for BCIs? It’s an increasingly common question nowadays. I led a workshop at the 2018 BCI Meeting titled “Towards the Elusive Killer App for BCIs,” which we published in 2019.

Do you want me to answer that question? I did. Many times. In my BCI-fi stories. Not this one, unless you’re a functioning disembodied brain unaware of your own humanity.

This is loosely a sequel to Building CommunicatIon. Sklodowska (the scientist) was Marie Curie’s maiden name. See the back of my “Will Argue Science for Money” shirt on the home page of bcifi.org for my perspective on her. Alva (the maker) was Thomas Edison’s middle name. Kindred (culture) was P. K. Dick’s middle name and seemed fitting here. PKD often wrote about characters discovering or rediscovering humanity – especially characters that aren’t in fact humans and may be more human than human. O’Brien (CogPol) embodied Big Brother in 1984 – by George Orwell, who also wrote a character named Snowball in Animal Farm. In this story, no legs good, 2 legs better.

Ozimov (culture) was Asimov’s birth name. This story honors “The Feeling of Power” by Asimov. I reread it and it reminded me that we *can* write stories longer than 1 page, so I did. Unlike “The Feeling of Power,” this is pure dialog and has a happy ending, with the restoration rather than degradation of humanity. I rewrote the ending many times. It could have been uncertain and tense (like Building Communication). Our heroes might have castigated or killed, perhaps by offending the CogPol. Their whole society could have decayed into permanent onanism, as implied with the tingling, which might very well have been a happy ending about happy endings. They might not even bother with the massage first.

I liked the approach of reminding us that humans can be kind, smart and altruistic through the rediscovery of simple, often underappreciated quirks of humanity. We smile. A sincere smile is so powerful that it can elicit the same reaction from others. We cooperate, produce art and technology intended for the common good, help each other (especially during a perceived medical emergency), make friends and love, work toward a better life for ourselves and future generations.

1984 had the Thought Police, which are CogPol here.

ThoughtIt might be the future Reddit.

Mr. Clevver is a shout-out to Hoban’s Riddley Walker.

Likert scales are real and useful. This ThoughtIt system seems to allow its users to vote on whether they agree on a 1-5 scale, with 5 reflecting strong agreement.

If you want to impress a scientist with your intelligence, diligence, or mastery of scientific principles, don’t use the phrase “I did my own research” or anything like it. This often means “I looked online for websites (often from unknown sources) that say I’m right.” Tell someone else. Who’s stupid. Like you.

The meatcars honor “They’re Made Out of Meat” by Terry Bisson. That story was pure dialog, like this one.

The story never mentions gender until the end. The characters have figured out that some of them have XX or XY chromosomes but don’t understand the broader ramifications until a year later, when they’ve had time to experience gender – apparently including sexual reproduction. After “One Year Later,” there are several words that indicate they now understand gender. They even worked out the stereotypical male behavior of unhelpful mansplaining… to a woman who just gave birth.

The last word before “One Year Later” is “me” from Sklodo. She then views herself as a disembodied brain. The last word of the story is also “me” from Sklodo. She then views herself as a human. She doesn’t say that the cord connects to her meatcar. While I used “me” amphibiously to convey their realization of their own humanity, it’s also a shout-out to “The Lives of Others,” which also ends with a brilliant and very impactful “me.”

The sonic boom is there to convey distance and the sophistication of their bodycars. They can evidently exceed Mach 1. You might think that Sklodo’s acceleration would be fatal for a brain. However, we don’t know (1) Mach 1 wherever this story occurs; (2) her velocity before the sonic boom; (3) whether they have some kind of inertial dampener or other technology to mitigate acceleration; (4) whether they’ve been modified somehow to survive acceleration or even (5) whether they’re human. They seem to have a lot in common with humans. I generally treat them as human in this commentary.

I debated establishing that they’re on Earth. Maybe they are. But it seemed too much like the ending of Planet of the Apes – which was a twist that Rod Serling added to the script.

I used to make Jell-O brains quite often. It’s fun going to parties with neuroscientists and watching their horror when people start eating a Jell-O brain. Make them with raspberry Jell-O and condensed milk so they look bloody (and taste better). I still have that plastic Jell-O mold somewhere. I thought about Alva saying that the Jell-O brain was tasty, but that disrupted the flow of the story and also implies that the characters understood taste.

Realism

Human brains don’t work very well outside of a human head. Transplanting a brain from one head to another is way beyond modern technology. Even Dr. McCoy couldn’t do it with 23rd century technology; he needed a more futuristic brain interface to be able to connect Spock’s brain to Spock’s body. True, Spock was only half-human.

Hope

This one is pretty hopeful. The commentary under Building CommunicatIon has other interpretations of why these brains initially have no bodies, or whether their reproduction is good overall.

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